Confessions of a Black Mother: Black Children in Predominantly White Spaces

My daughter Vivi-Mo is at the age that whenever someone at school doesn’t

acknowledge her or her requests, she thinks that it is because she has dark skin. She is not always wrong. To give you an idea, she wonders why her dance instructors can't give her the same princess braids that the other girls have. In her 5-year-old mind, she is processing what makes her different from everyone else instead of exactly why she is treated differently. This is partly our fault. As parents, we are attempting to bring relevance to the occurrences of her being noticed for her beautiful brown skin and thick, coily hair. We straddle the line of teaching her to be aware of her surroundings and difference while also being proud of the unique

shades of our family where she belongs.

This is a form of racial socialization.

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What is Racial Socialization?

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Racial Socialization is a process that parents go through when training their children to hone their identity but also how that identity functions in the greater world. Parents teach their children racial socialization based on their own experiences or encounter knowledge with racial bias. This knowledge provides situational examples of bias or mistreatment based on racial stereotypes.

Parents reveal that knowledge by sharing stories of those experiences, including how they knew they were being treated differently. This goes beyond blatant comments and includes a multitude of microaggressions. Parents of color are teaching their children to decipher how to respond and recognize the aggressors' negative intentions and/or lack of knowledge.

Watch this video about microaggressions recommended by a great friend and colleague of mine, Shakira Eakins, LCSW.

When I was younger, I used to be teased about wearing synthetic hair. People would refer to it as horsehair. Upset about this, I talked to my mom and her response was that they were just doing that because they were ignorant to the culture of black hair. They did not understand that synthetic hair was made of thread, not hair from a horse. It just took an effort on my part to educate these people about it. I became prideful in a part of my culture and used pride as an opportunity to educate others who were not aware at the time. Now, having hair extensions is a widespread practice among people of all backgrounds and no longer something to tease or question others about.

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How do we as parents instill confidence and resiliency in our children when they are constantly being faced with biases and/or being different in predominantly-white spaces?

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Representation

Put a positive spin on the features that seem to draw negativity or unwanted attention from others. This brings value to those features instead of being worried about them being different from others. Encourage your children to have pride in the aspects of their culture. There are plenty of public figures in sports, television, or music who may share the same features as your kids. You, yourself can also be one of those figures.

Community

Kids need their own community of people who they can share their experiences with so they understand they are not alone. Most of the time, this is what they have grown to believe. In addition, it is important to have a community of people who will be willing to stop, stand up for, and support these kids when their differences are being attacked or undermined.

Communication

It is important to communicate to the children that bias does exist and that it can be an inaccurate assumption; however, they should not automatically think that others are biased just because he or she disagrees with them or does not acknowledge their requests.

Thanks for reading! - V

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