Dear Fellow Superwomen: It's Time To Hang Up Our Capes

Released in 1988, Superwoman by Karyn White is the first song that I learned every lyric to. In it Karyn references how she is not feeling the level of equating love that she brings to the relationship. Recently, I was working and singing along (sounding very much like Karyn White, I might add), and the words “I’m only human” resonated with me so strongly. I thought about how others may refer to their mothers, sisters and wives as superwomen as they managed the family's day to day tasks with a sense of out of this world strength. These women were likely dealing with "Superwoman Syndrome."

Superwoman by Karyn White

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What is Superwoman Syndrome?

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According to the American Psychological Association, superwoman syndrome is "a set of characteristics found in a woman who performs or attempts to perform all the duties typically associated with several different full-time roles, such as wage earner, mother, homemaker, and wife." Now don’t get me wrong, women are very strong and can do all things; however, we are also human. This means we hurt, we cry, and we desire equitable return on our investments. There is nothing like working your tail off at either home, work or school (or if you're like me, all 3) but still finding the time to make a special meal for your loved ones only to be told that it tastes “disgusting;” and they would rather have bowl of cereal (just me, okay).

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What are the negative effects of Superwoman Syndrome?

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As women, we are groomed to believe “Superwoman” is the achievable goal and this can be deceiving. Women have been known to be multi-taskers balancing home, work, social lives while maintaining the image of having it all together. If you are one of these women, ask yourself this:

• What are you getting in return?

• Is there an expectation that you wake up and do it all again tomorrow?

• What happens when you hit a rough patch or just can not find the will to keep it up? Do you simply determine that you are a failure?

Some will continue to strive to this unreachable feat and wear themselves out to get it. Others will put on a brave face and keep going, hiding the struggle they are internally experiencing. Neither of these options are healthy and can cause adverse effects on your mental health, particularly in Black Women, such as anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.

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How do we tackle Superwoman Syndrome?

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Learn to say no.

It is okay to not do and be everything to everyone. “That is not a part of my journey, today” is a popular suggestion from TikTok reels on an assertive way to say no.

Talk about it.

We simply do not talk to each other enough. We find ourselves suffering in silence as to not appear weak to others; however, we may have some similarities in these feelings. There is nothing better than sharing these experiences with others in our lives to ensure that we have the support and to bring our expectations back to reality. This means confronting the shame and vulnerability. Dealing with shame and being vulnerable is another topic for another day, but Brené Brown is a great resource on these feelings.

Allow grace for ourselves and our peers.

Check in on one another and accept the decline of invitations with an understanding heart instead of evidence to commitment issues.

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I am working to be the best mom, wife, sister, friend and boss that I can be. One that is known for being loving, supportive, loyal and will go to bat for each and every one of them. There is no cape needed for that, just reciprocation.

Thanks for reading! - V

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